As promised, I now have the "finalists" for the Buckaroo Who Will be the next Hong Kong Cavalier contest, here we go! We will have the winner and the 2 runners up chosen by the end of August (only first place will become a HKC).
W.D. Richter and Mac Rauch will have their final decision made by that time.
Finalists:
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #6 on May 30, 2006, 12:11pm »
Salutations,
I am Michael Sean Callahan, and accept the challenges of the Cavalier Contest: How can I be of service to the Institute and to the Cavaliers?
Since youth, I have had a indefatigueable curiosity about everything. What is it, how does it work, how is it made? This led me to the arts, philosophies and sciences rather quickly. Nurtured by my instructors to understand a thing's nature, I developed a talent for understanding 'things'. I know, 'confusing'. Let me use an example: I look at a 'C' cell battery. I plug in my education and 'talent' and 'see' it's nature - the zinc, the chemical excitement enclosed, the utilitarian design, the appreciation of social structures arriving upon a uniform shape, the marketing use of the bunny, the need for advanced power sources, the triumph of the human mind coupled with opposable thumbs! Yep, and much more (I am 'deep thought' drunk). So, besides staring at light-fixtures and ant-hills, what good am I? I often get insights about things/events/patterns/people that most don't see right off and some never at all. The downsides: I can get lost in a study (autistic?..my son is slightly), I can get overwhelmed unless I shut it off (I need boring time!), and no-one believes me. I feel like Cassandra. So, I stay in the 'burbs (for now) and be ‘stay at home’ to my three wonderful sons and my lovely MBA wife (tall, blonde, double majored in Math and Sociology…I’m lucky!) and only occasionally get migraines about the news...('Doesn't anyone see that is actually going to lead to this disaster?')
That's why I can help the BI, and they can help me....I can be of good use to someone who'll not think I am a nut-job. I can take quick analysis of a situation/pattern/person/object/diagram/relationship, etc. Though I do not have the mastery of one particular science or humanity, I can help with analysis and tactics. I think man was given both a brain and thumbs to be the 'care-takers' of the universe, like tending the garden of Eden....we broke it, now we have to take care of it....NOT rule over it…NOT like that at all….nurture it…grow it…understand it…help it reach it’s inherent potential. All we lack is the ethics to not do it just for our own sakes, but for our sakes and everything else. That requires being ready to take down a menace. Mankind spreading out to the stars as the benevolent gardeners….
Yeah…
And I can play violin....electric violin....did I mention the harmonics of strings to pick-ups? And the acoustics of the casing without amping? Of course, there could be a formulaic matching with, say, a bass and with the right conductivity of both vibrations....I wonder if WAV or MP3 could kick it to a new level of digital music...what could Mozart do with that and a computer....
Thanks for your attention,
MS Callahan
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #7 on May 30, 2006, 11:53pm »
When taking into consideration the next worthy to join the ranks of the Hong Kong Cavaliers, consider:
How many rocket surgeons do you need? Surely the Banzai Institute knows that resisting change is to encourage stagnation. You want something different.
You want me.
I'm an American-born cultural and ethnic mix of Amerind, Welsh, and Trini, with degrees in Communication, Psychology and Parapsychology.
I count among my humble skills typing at nearly 200 wpm. I speak several languages fluently, including Junkeon, the Divine Language, and no less than four dialects of Greater Bureaucratic Bullshit Doublespeak, rendering me handy for dealing with suits of all stripes, and paperwork. I read voraciously.
Additionally, I cook -- from several cultures, from cookbooks, from my imagination, and most importantly, from my heart -- all of which will serve the band better than eating at greasy spoons between the loving embraces of fans at well-known venues. In addition, my cooking also lends itself to matters festive, nourishing and remedial.
Of course you wish also to know what merit I can bring to the group. I am the first graduate of the Allistasia Exstasis Academy for Ballerina Ninjas. Add to that my own background of belly dancing and of staff-twirling melee combat learned on the streets of New York City itself. I can dance, choreograph, and stand on my own in battle. Though I can fire a gun with accuracy, I do not require one.
I have extensive knowledge of an entire generation of comics from the silver age onward into today, and could easily engage in conversation with the likes of the esteemed Pinky Carruthers for hours. I am an aficionada of the 80s. I can ride Western saddle or bareback, and I draw.
I dabble in the playing of the didgeridoo for spiritual as well as musical reasons.
What the Institute and Dr. Banzai will, I hope, find most intriguing about me, is my talents. While I am a passable singer and a decent drummer [in memory of my brother], my true strength lies in my family gifts for dealing with people. If you're thinking ESPer, you're correct. I am no telepath; you may safely trust that your mysterious shrouded pasts will remain so with absolute certainty. I am an empath. I can perceive nuances of body language, pheromone, vocal inflection, and one's personal aura to gauge the emotional state of those around me -- with significant accuracy. Resultingly, I'm extremely socially adaptable -- a chameleon. Further, I can enhance the native energy of those around me, resulting in a relaxed state of awareness -- in other words, it's a little easier to think around me, and often inspirational. I also have the rare prophetic dream. I'm also good with kids.
Lastly, I'm female. The bunkhouse has always suffered a shortage of estrogen that knows how to kick ass. Time this bunch of stallions made way for a she-palfrey with a smooth gait and a kick that'll ring your bells.
Cordially,
Indigo
Blue Blaze Irregular
Melange
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #10 on Jun 1, 2006, 11:54pm »
(This is an abbreviated CV, since certain clear proofs contained personal information for the arbiters. That other version will hopefully be considered.)
Dear Sirs or Madams of Moonstone Books (via World Watch Online), Dear Mr. Director, Ladies, and Gentlemen:
If I should be deemed fit for the honor, I will humbly accept the grave responsibility incurred by induction as an official Hong Kong Cavalier. Here follow my true qualifications:
I am multi-talented; yet focus my talents on defeating evil (with a particular emphasis on the psychic and spiritual modes).
• Musician, electro/angelic.
• Fine artist
• Computer programmer, Internet.
• Designer.
• Infrared photographer
• Kabbalist
• Specialist in dead languages
• Defense and aerospace contractor
• Descended from ten hanged or jailed Salem witches
• A sensitive psychic; yet suffer the drawback that I weep frequently for little cause. I can perform a decent exorcism in a pinch.
• I have admired Dr. Banzai’s broad approach since childhood, and he has inspired my continual development. He is an exemplary hero, and he has proven to be an exemplary role model.
• I am moderately photogenic in an unusual way that is unlike any current Cavalier.
• I nod in agreement while giving knowing looks.
I certify the truth of these statements by my honor, and respectfully make my application to become an official Hong Kong Cavalier.
If I should be accepted as a Cavalier, I would consider it the highest honor, and will meet it with correct ethics, crime fighting, mild dietary proscriptions, and all manners of exercise except calisthenics.
I am willing to negotiate a new moniker.
Thank you for considering my CV in your effort to locate the next Cavalier. If I should fail to make the grade, I will rally behind the elect nonetheless for the sakes of Justice and Music.
(You may visit me at
http://smallberries.com.)
In watermelon,
Muriel
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #14 on Jun 6, 2006, 12:44pm »
Name: Joie De Vivre (real name undetermined at this time)
Age: Mid-30's - undetermined
Abilities: Photographic memory - able to remember anything she views once. Speedreading more than a thousand words a minute makes her a walking repository for knowledge. She also has an uncanny ability to pick up languages after reading them only a few times, making her an instant translator for the written word as well.
Musical Instrument: Flute, clay ocarina.
History: Found wandering the streets in Toronto, Canada she claims to be French Canadian but speaks with a thick Scottish accent that appears and disappears at times. Amnesia has erased most of her personal data from her mind, but yet she knows details about equipment and items that are not in public knowledge or in any unclassified documents. Attempts to restore her memory by regular means have failed, leaving her no choice but to apply to the Institute both as a patient and as a Cavalier to earn her cure, if one is able to be found.
Weapon Proficiency: Discovered when she was mugged by an unlucky criminal one night, Joie has a berserker-type quality that emerges when her or a loved one is threatened. Unable or unwilling to use weapons, she will lash out physically with only her body as a weapon, often unable to stop until restrained or if the target of her wrath is unconscious or dead. Yet another mystery she needs the Institute's help to unravel, since she has already evaded prosecution for one manslaughter case and is suspected in three more serious assaults.
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #15 on Jun 6, 2006, 2:03pm »
In August of 1982 while buying a pack of Twinkies at the local 7-11, an eight-year-old Geoff Mosher came across the latest issue of the Buckaroo Banzai comic. Intrigued by the cover he purchased it and raced home to read it. Two Twinkies and one action packed issue later, Geoff decided right then and there that one day he would join up with Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers. Later that day Geoff was grounded for a week, after he tried to turn his mother’s station wagon into a jet car.
As the years went by Geoff took a keen interest in the worlds of science and pulp novels. He imagined himself to be a two-fisted inventor, constantly investigating ways to make commonly used items more effective. Strangely, none of Geoff’s inventions have ever been used for their intended purposes. In fact, his nickname Gumshoe comes not from his habit of dressing and acting like a dime store novel P.I., but from his attempt to make a longer lasting rubber sole that resulted in a new recipe for a chewing gum that retains its flavor over 100% longer than all other brands.
One of his most popular accidental inventions has been the electric accordian. The accordian was initially intended to be an aquarium pump for a specialized fish tank that could house the sort of exotic fish found in the high-pressure depths of the world’s oceans. While it has proven to be lousy for regulating pressure in fish tanks every one agrees it produces a truly unique sound and would surely make him a popular member of the Hong Kong Cavaliers. One wonders what popular Hong Kong Cavaliers numbers such as “If It Were a Snake It Would’ve Bit Me” would sound like with Gumshoe’s strange yet wonderful instrument.
When it comes to fighting, Gumshoe’s style is a mix of crude back alley brawling and a form of Muay Thai kickboxing invented by his Uncle. This style has saved Gumshoe on numerous occasions, particularly during he infamous 1994 New Inventors Society riot. A riot that contrary to popular belief, he did not cause.
Additionally, Gumshoe is trained in a shooting style known as The Third Eye, which makes him a crack shot with a .45 he affectionately calls Velda.
If you can overlook Gumshoe’s somewhat annoying tendency to describe himself in the third person, then I think he would make an excellent addition to the Hong Kong Cavaliers.
Regards,
Geoff “Gumshoe” Mosher
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #19 on Jun 15, 2006, 1:44pm »
For Your Consideration
Pauline - Codename PJ Purple
She has everything wanted from a Hong Kong Cavalier. She's loyal. She's clever, creative and quick on her feet. She's cool in a crisis, a quick thinker and problem-solver, and she's always ready for a challenge.
She has studied the past adventures of the Cavaliers and is ready for anything.
Cautious but not fearful, she brings non-lethal force to the team with her dance-based personal martial arts style and second-to-none accuracy with a slingshot.
She has encyclopedic knowledge of popular culture, from radio and TV to movies and comics. (It came in handy from New Jersey, right?)
She has no formal training in engineering, but machines and computers seem to like her, and she's always interested in learning new skills.
She sings and plays the cello, and believe it, you haven't lived until you've heard a cello rock.
Plus, the Hong Kong Cavaliers haven't got nearly enough women in their ranks.
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #22 on Jun 22, 2006, 9:45pm »
Hey Buckaroo:
I am finally ready to face the challenges that your organization offers.
I played a year of college football and then left the team to join the school’s touring Modern Dance Company.
I have been a certified SCUBA diver for almost 30 years.
I have made two parachute jumps (and it’s true what they say--the second one is the hardest.)
I’m 6’ tall, 215 lbs. with an athletic build. I’ve posed for several comic book covers including Conan the Barbarian.
During our first date (at a Mongolian restaurant) my future wife and I each discovered that The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai was our favorite movie.
I have worked as a lead paramedic on an ambulance answering 911 calls and in the mosh pit for bands including The Cramps and The Queens of the Stone Age.
While working as a firefighter I was decorated for “courageous efforts” (the Chief’s words, not mine) when my partner and I rescued an unconscious woman from her burning apartment.
I currently work as a paramedic and special deputy at the county “drunk tank”, where I manage a staff of 35 and we care for almost 12,000 alcohol, opiate, and meth abusers a year--whether they want us to or not.
I am responsible for training my staff in the use of Aikido based arresting wrist locks and other non-injurious forms of physical restraint for cases when verbal ingenuity is not enough.
I can get a decent medical history in Spanish and have ordered beer in 8 other languages.
I have contemplated the space between the 15 rocks at the Ryoanji Zen garden in Kyoto. I have visited the Grand Mosque in Istanbul. I have climbed the 365 steps of the pyramid of Chichen Itza and my wife drags me to church every Christmas and Easter. I wish to apply the Institute’s resources to these profound spiritual experiences to develop a unified theory of God.
Sincerely,
BBI Rainbow Kitty
PS: I am currently traveling above the Arctic Circle with my wife and two children, so I will be unavailable for follow up until after the first of the month.
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #24 on Jun 27, 2006, 9:16pm »
Dear Dr. Banzai,
You have posed the question “Why should you be the next Hong Kong Cavalier?” I am both humbled and excited to have the chance to answer this question.
Like you, I am the child of mixed heritage. My father’s family is of Etruscan, German and Irish heritage while my mother’s family is of Blackfoot, Tippecanoe, African-American, and Anglo-Saxon heritage. The recipe for a rather explosive mix as I am sure you can imagine.
My father is a retired Army General and is the same general responsible for uncovering the programming error in the Pentagon’s war games computer that led to lapses in national and global security; such as the now infamous mini-invasion by the Red Lectroids and their creation of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems to mask their activities.
My mother is a Native American mystic who continues to use her gifts to help all those who seek her aid.
As for myself, I left home before my eighteenth birthday. I was very full of myself and determined to leave my mark in the world. But my path to where I am today was not exactly something I had planned.
I started out in the United States Air Force. It was there that I learned of my innate talent with all kinds of explosives. I soon found myself on numerous missions where my talent was put to extensive use. However, it was not long before I felt that the Great Spirit had more for me to do then blow things up.
Feeling it was time I embraced my Native American heritage; I left the Air Force and made my way to several reservations across United States. Though not a true member of one tribe or the other I was still embraced as one of their own while I continued on my journey of self-discovery.
My vision quest ended in a remote section of a Navajo reservation near Phoenix, Arizona. It was there that I met an elderly shaman who spent the next ten years training me in the lost ways of the warrior shaman and teaching me the great responsibility such a shaman carries on his shoulders.
Now I use my talents as both an explosive expert and warrior shaman to help those in need and work for the common good of all who call this planet home.
I feel it is important to note that I do not use firearms of any sort, nor am I proficient in their operation. Instead, for self-defense, I use a tomahawk, throwing knives, and club of my own design. The tomahawk and throwing knives are made out of a special variant of C-4 explosive I developed that can be detonated by either remote ignition or impact ignition devices.
So here I am, ex-soldier, explosives expert, warrior shaman, human being, wondering if my journey through this life will now have me walking with you and your team or if our destiny’s lie in different directions.
Sincerely,
Durand “Delivers Swift Pain” Sentinus
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #25 on Jun 28, 2006, 1:36am »
Absolutely, I should be the next Hong Kong Cavalier! First, I'm a lawyer. Buckaroo Bonzai could use a lawyer on this team. I could help him out if evil-doers frame him for a crime! I could handle all his legal affairs, from incorporation of the Hong Kong Cavaliers, copyrighting and trademarking his name, battle frivilous lawsuits against him from people seeking money or notoriety, doing court-record background research on criminals, and even do the taxes! Second, I am self-trained in Jiu Jitsu, having learned it as a child from library books, and practicing first on dummies of my own making and then on my brothers and friends! Third, I play guitar, though, to paraphrase an old song, it's strictly rhythm, I don't want to make it cry or sing. Fourth, I'm from Iowa, which gives some geographic diversitiy to the team! And I can shuck corn, too! Fifth, I have a reddish beard, which would add facial hair diversity to the team!!!
I have these talents! I should be a Cavalier!
Mark Lambert
Attorney at Law
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #26 on Jun 28, 2006, 11:38am »
From birth, I was cursed. First with dysgrafia, a coordination disability that rendered my handwriting medically unreadable. Second, with the name "Zachary Smith." It is no mean obstacle to overcome when you share the name of the doctor from LOST IN SPACE.
But I fought back, with the power of knowledge. Knowledge that gained me a masters in journalism, a mastery of obscure knowledge, and a superior taste in T-shirts. Name another who has both the limited edition HIGH FIDELITY "Championship Vinyl" shirt AND the LAND OF THE LOST "Dance Fever" shirt with Enik the Altrusian? Name one!
But of course you know the answer. It is Buckaroo Banzai.
For you see, it was Dr. Banzai's work that inspired my fu. When the Canadian Death Nuns invaded my hometown of Raleigh, N.C., seeking to turn everyone into Canadians with their insidious Zone Generators, it was the Cavs' classic double-album "Triceratops Sushi" that blared through my headphones, its subliminal messages guiding my righteous blade as it cut a bloody path through those chrome-skull-masked bewimpled followers of the Canadian Antichrist.
When I clutched the dying form of my beloved mentor, Billy the Awesome Gay Wizard, it was Dr. Banzai's classic essay "Channeling Negative Emotions into Quantum Equations" that allowed me to overcome my grief and set forth into battle against Harry Dean Stanton, Black Warlock and Noted Character Actor, armed only with two swords, a jetpack, a bazooka and a Nintendo Power Glove, the legendary weapon of the 1980s.
And when I stood upon the frozen sands of Karmahnk, the fabled eleventh planet, as the horrible form of Nagalothep the Blood Lobster rose from the ornate ruins, it was Banzai's voice that echoed throughout my nanotech spacesuit saying, simply, "Hey. Calm down. It's okay. Honest."
Thanks to Buckaroo Banzai and his Hong Kong Cavaliers, I've made out with a giant mantis, solved the secret of the mysterious Coca-Cola ingredient "7X" (it was rat urine) and brought down a cult of cyborg pirates on a parallel world where society was based on a crude fusion of Nazism and Nike sneakers.
I have known glory. I have known joy. I knew love, once. Her name was Matilda. The Satan-Goldfish got her. I don't like to talk about it.
But there is one thing I must know for my life to have had any meaning. And that is to stand alongside the Hong Kong Cavaliers but once, so that I may aid my idols in flesh as they have aided me in spirit. I want nothing more than to meet Buckaroo Banzai. To work with Buckaroo Banzai. And, if necessary, to lay down my life for Buckaroo Banzai. Even if it means getting exploded.
As for my musical skills, I am trained with the guitar, sitar, harmonica and jazz triangle. I await your judgment, and ask not that I win, but that whoever you do choose be truly worthy of the responsibilities they face.
The Hong Kong Cavaliers deserve nothing less.
Thank you.
Zack Smith
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Re: Could YOU be Cavalier? **Contest**
« Reply #30 on Jun 29, 2006, 4:31pm »
I would be darn happy and honored to be the next Hong Kong Cavalier.
I have a flamboyant personality with a quick wit. People say that it's hard to know if I'm being serious much of the time because I'm so darn good at keeping a straight face when delivering the biggest line of bull poop you've ever heard. You can easily find yourself falling into my tall tales until the trap door above you slams shut and you find yourself waist deep in it.
In contrast, I'm an excellent listener who replies to someone's troubles with insightful questions in the tradition of a Zen Master. On one occasion I stood long hours in deep meditation so that my teammate with a wounded leg could sit comfortably until backup arrived. Afterwards, there was much lighthearted ribbing about my composure considering the loud snoring.
I have spent decades of serious study in the Intuitive Sciences. On more than one occasion, I've been accused of being in two places at the same time. Once friends even claimed to have had the electronic surveillance tapes in their possession and when I was confronted about this phenomenon I simply replied, "Seeing isn't always believing." A day later the tapes were mysteriously copied over with old episodes of Lost in Space.
As for the practice range and workout mat, I'm ambidextrous and prefer to shoot with twin 9 mm pistols I've named "Shadow & Light", one is black with white stripes, the other white with black stripes. Unless you have the time to discuss the universe, don't ask me which one is which. On the mat, I'm accomplished in a personal merging of West Coast street fighting and an Okinawa Martial Art I call "South Beach Kick-Butt." As a 9th level Master of the Deadly Art of Paper Folding, Fu Gami, I can transform any piece of paper. The weapons I fashion give a whole new meaning to the phrase "paper-cut."
As for musical talents, I can often be heard whistling a tune, familiar and often improvised. I can also play the trumpet and piccolo, "I like to blow my music."
Innovator and inventor of the Team Banzai wristband, the word "spontinuity" (meaning: consistently spontaneous), the wine cork recycling project AKA "Put A Cork In It", the freeze dried water pouch, cardboard speakers that fold down flat for shipping, the invisible belt extender and the pocket games "Quickdraw" and "Giddiup!."
I have a four-legged companion always at my side by the name of "Rokit" a precocious Jack Russell Terrier.
I am proud of my beer belly and consider it a valued investment in good food and great beer. I'm usually attired in comfortable clothes including a dragon screen print tee from my collection, a baseball cap with silver winged Bs and flame colored suede shoes.
If all that is not enough, I'll donate my collection of potato chip oddities to the Banzai Institute if you'll make me the next Hong Kong Cavalier!
BBI Dragon
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